


The physic of falling (in love)

by Elysabeth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Lot Of Puns, Agender Hange, Bad Jokes, Fluff, Humor, Minor Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Other, Physic student Levi, a lot of swearing, a nice and healthy friendship between Erwin and Levi, biology student Hange, black!connie, figure skater!Levi, no weird creepy ex, very bad puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5691418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elysabeth/pseuds/Elysabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts when Levi finds a stranger hanging from the railing of his balcony.</p><p>In which Levi finds love through horrible puns, bad references, unsavory jokes, misunderstandings and terrible humor. Starring Eren and Jean as gross married couple, Levi as bitter university student, Hange as crazy scientist, Erwin as father figure of the year, and the poor downstairs neighbor who will not be named for the entirety of this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This is not the beginning of a horror story but it could have been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: how Levi met Hange

It all starts when Levi finds a stranger hanging from the railing of his balcony.

But before we delve into that, let's start with a bit of context.

Levi, 21, is a physic student with insomnia. He still sometimes wonders why he went into physic when it regularly makes him want to slam his head into the wall, but mostly, he likes it.

His best friend, and roommate, is Eren. They've known each other for almost all their lives. Because Eren is a very tactile person and Levi only lets those he trusts touch him, a lot of people think they're going out.

For your information, they are not. They've known each other for so long it would be just plain weird. Eren was a lot of things (like his first kiss but they don't talk about that), and still is many important things in Levi's life, but not his boyfriend. Just the idea of it makes him gag.

And Eren is going out with someone, anyway.

His name is Jean. Levi didn't like him at first, when Eren brought him to introduce them. He was cocky, arrogant and his overconfidence was so obviously fake, Levi had been ready to shove a loaf of bread in his mouth and get the fuck out of the restaurant. He hadn't, in the end, because Eren was his best friend, and he had promised to play nice.

Later on, he learns that Jean is actually an awkward loser mess with self-confidence issues and completely and utterly head over heels for Eren.

So, yeah, they've been going out for a year and a half now, and they act like a gross married couple. They're disgustingly cute and Levi hates them.

In the people that Levi considers worth mentioning (read: important), there is Erwin. Erwin is pretty much his dad-friend figure. He goes to him when he needs peace and quiet or advice. He loves Eren, really (and don't go repeating that to him or you will regret ever being alive once), but the idiot is reckless and doesn't think before he acts. Hence, Erwin.

He may also speak about Mike. Mike is... something. He hangs out with Erwin, sniffs people, sometimes snorts or laughs but that's pretty much all. Is he a teacher, is he a student, is he the ghost of the university? No one knows. And all three are equally possible.

He should also cite Armin and Mikasa as recurrent characters in his life, being Eren's closest friends (without counting himself). Mikasa is a quiet girl with piercing black eyes. Armin, on the contrary, is a cute boy with blond hair, clear blue eyes and an easy smile. But don't be fooled, this guy is evil. He just hides it well.

And finally, there's Petra. Petra is his go-to person when he needs to bitch about someone or spend a few hours doing nothing but rate actors' hotness. Petra's straight, Levi doesn't give a fuck, but when it comes to making sexiness scales, sexuality counts for nothing, anyway. So, yeah. Not being attracted doesn't mean being blind.

Now that presentations have been done, we can finally move to what interests you, reader: the actual story.

* * *

Levi enters the apartment with a groan, feeling exhausted. Formulas about gravity vectors, integrals and equations are flying around in his vision instead of stars. He wants to collapse on his bed and never wake up.

He finds Jean and Eren slouched on the couch and tangled in each other like the gross couple they are. Eren smiles at him until he realizes his state and grimaces.

"Bad day?"

"Do we still have ice cream?" He asks as an answer.

Eren solemnly nods, understanding the gravity of the situation. (He groans mentally. Why do ridiculous mental puns only happen to him?)

"I bought your favorite the other day. Nougat and caramel."

"Oh, thank God," Levi moans, rushing to their kitchen.

"You're welcome, my dear grumpy child!" He hears Eren call after him.

He rolls his eyes.

It isn't hard to find the big bucket of ice cream in the freezer. He could almost kiss Eren in this moment, but thinking about where his mouth surely has been (read: Jean) is enough to qualm his ideas of rather affectionate thanks.

He flops on the ground, his back to the couch, a soup spoon in his hand.

"What are you watching?"

Eren shrugs. "I don't even know," he admits. "Another modernization of Sherlock. This one's not as good as the BBC series, though."

"It's called Elementary," Jean informs them. "John Watson is a girl in this one. Called Joan Watson."

"Oh yeah! She's played by Lucy Liu!" Eren exclaims.

"How do you even know her name?" Jean wonders.

Eren gasps. Levi doesn't even have to turn around to know which face he is making. "How can you not know? She played in, like, so many things! And she is also a voice actress! She's in Kung-Fu Panda."

"Also, she's hot," Levi adds.

"True." Eren concurs.

Jean sighs. "You both are so weird." He declares. "Natalie Dormer plays in it, too. She's hotter."

He turns around, staring at Jean. "No. Definitely not." Eren furiously nods.

Jean gapes at them. Then, he raises his hands in defeat. "I don't even want to argue with you about that. I give up."

Levi and Eren high five.

He already feels better than when he came home.

* * *

He opens his eyes some time during the night, and he knows he's not going back to sleep.

He turns around a bit, just in the hope that he was wrong, but nothing works. He is wide awake. He sighs. Another night of crying over assignments because he can't sleep and he feels bad when he isn't working.

Seriously, insomnia sucks ass. And that's an understatement.

He leaves the comfort of his bed. He walks to the kitchen and serves himself a glass of water. He entertains the idea of making tea for a few seconds, but one, the electric kettle is loud as hell, and second, it would kill any possibility of him going back to sleep in the very near future.

He decides he's going to make good use of their balcony instead. He grabs his pack of cigarettes on the table. He looks for a lighter, but he promptly gives up, exasperated and just takes the box of matches.

He lights his cigarette, a bad habit he got because of college. That's when he realizes there are two hands on the railing of the balcony. It's 3:27 am. He's on the third floor.

That's some horror movie shit right there.

Levi wants no part in it. He considers getting Eren, but remembers that Jean came by, and he doesn't need to see him naked. Again. He doesn't mind Eren because growing up together means he got used to it, but Jean... No. Just no.

Great. That means he's alone to fight against whatever is hanging from the balcony.

He peers over the edge. It's a girl. Mostly normal looking girl. She smiles awkwardly.

"Are you a burglar?" He cuts right to the chase.

"No!" She exclaims. "I'm your upstairs neighbor."

Okay...?

"If you fall you're gonna die. Or break both of your legs at least."

She looks down for a second. "How do you know that?"

She's hanging from the balcony and she has the time to fucking ask questions. This chick is weird.

"I'm a physic student," he deadpans.

"You can really calculate that so fast?" She beams.

What the-

"No. I just have something called common sense." He deadpans.

She blinks. Then nods as if to say _fair enough_.

Maybe he's sleeping. Maybe all of this is just his imagination. His life can't be this strange, it's not possible.

He pinches himself to check. Fuck.

"Do you want to come up?"

She grimaces. "I would if I could, but I don't have any strength in my arms anymore."

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. Seriously, the horror movie situation would have been easier to deal with than this. He leans over the edge, grabs the girl and pulls her up.

She's taller than him which disrupt his balance. They end up sprawled on the floor in a mess of limbs.

"Get the fuck off me," he growls and pushes her.

The girl giggles and rolls off him, hoping on her feet. For someone who didn't have any strength in her arms left, she seems really energetic. Levi stands up and crosses his arms over his chest.

"So, if you're not a burglar, what the fuck were you doing?"

The girl raises a finger. "Okay, it's actually very simple!" She nods, as if to confirm it to herself. "You see, I forgot my keys. The thing is, my bathroom window is open, so if I climb on the balcony, I can enter through it!"

Levi just stares. She is crazy. Bat shit crazy.

"Okay...?" He vaguely gestures at her.

"Hange. Also, I am agender so please refer to me as they/them, please?"

He fixes her- _them_ a few second. He's never met someone out of the gender-binary before so he'll probably have to be careful to not slip up, but he can do that.

"Okay, Hange." He pauses dramatically, raising an eyebrow. "That was incredibly fucking stupid," he states. "You could really have hurt yourself."

Hange pouts. "Well, I would have rung for someone to open to me, and asked the landlord for his spare keys, but since it's passed three in the morning..." They trail off.

That... is the thing that makes the most sense out of everything they said in past five minutes.

He looks at them. They're fidgeting, not crossing his gaze. Big brown eyes, brown hair in a messy bun, jeans, a t-shirt with written "Biologists take cellfies" (which would have maybe made him crack a smile in another situation) and very dirty-looking converses.

Basically, they look like a normal college student.

He sighs. He knows he's going to regret it, but he can't let them go back to almost surely plummeting to their death.

"Okay, Hange. I'm Levi." They do a little wave and smile. "You are going to sleep on the couch tonight. I don't want you breaking your neck trying to climb up there again. And tomorrow, you'll go to the landlord."

Hange beams and throws their arm around his shoulders. "Oh my god! Thank you so much!"

He pushes them off by the shoulders, grimacing. "Yeah, yeah. And I swear to God, if I see you climbing this damn balcony again, I will throw you over it myself."

Hange giggles. "Yes, Dad."

He slaps them on the arm and they cackle.

He provides them with a pillow and some covers. They make themselves a nest on the couch. They thank him again, grinning. He throws another pillow at their face.

"Good night, Levi."

"Go the fuck to sleep."

* * *

Eren bursts in his room, eyes wide. Levi groans and checks the time. 10 am.

"Lee! There's a stranger on the couch!" Eren whisper-shouts.

"Their name is Hange," he mumbles before shoving his face back in his pillow.

He can hear Eren gasp and feels him climb on his bed. He peeks at his friend from the corner of his eyes. Eren is gaping at him, his hair a wild mess, his t-shirt a bit too big (he suspects it's Jean's but honestly, he doesn't want to know), and wearing cotton shorts so tiny, Levi wonders if he didn't buy them in the women's section.

Actually, he doesn't wonder. He doesn't really give a fuck. He stopped caring about Eren's tastes in clothes a long time ago.

"I can't believe you brought someone home and you made her sleep on the couch!" Eren chides him. "That is so wrong on so many levels. Having sex with her and abandoning her on the sofa." He shakes his head, a disappointed expression on his face.

Levi sighs loudly and rolls on his back.

"Firstly, I did not bring them home, they invited themselves in." He counters. "And second, I did not have sex with them. Or with anyone for that matter." He eyes Eren and the bright purple marks on the skin of his collarbone and shoulders. "Unlike some idiots I know with countless hickeys showing."

Eren slaps a hand on his neck, spluttering and blushing bright red. He glares at Levi. "Jerk," he mutters.

Levi smirks, satisfied.

Eren huffs and leaves his bed. "I'll boil some water for you. You should get up."

"Thanks."

He watches Eren leave. He slowly stretches before getting up. He can smell toast and bacon. Hange is still soundly asleep on the sofa. They are ridiculously sprawled over it, their right arm hanging from the edge, drooling. His face twists with disgust. He will have to thoroughly clean the pillow.

He slides on a stool at the breakfast bar. Eren is humming, cooking scrambled eggs.

"Jean's still sleeping?"

Eren nods. "This lazy ass could sleep all day." He says. "But y'know, it's also kinda my fault. I rode him pretty hard last night."

Levi groans with despair. "I did not need to know that."

Eren slyly grins at him. He serves him a plate with a toast, some eggs and bacon. Levi thanks him with a smile.

"I made some for your guest, too," he informs Levi. "Maybe we should wake her up?"

"Them. They are agender." Levi corrects.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Them."

In the end, they don't have too. Hange wakes up by themselves, blinking at Eren who was reaching for his phone on the coffee table.

"Good morning!" He greets them with a smile.

They look dazed. "Am I dead? Am I in Heaven? Are you an angel?"

Levi snorts as he watches Eren turn red from head to toe. "Oh nonono!" He stammers. "I'm Eren and you are very much alive."

Hange seems to consider the answer for a few seconds, then nods, muttering something about the probability of them going to Heaven being very thin, anyway.

They look around as Eren comes back to the kitchen to prepare them a plate. They smile when they see Levi.

"Hi, Levi!"

"You have drool on your chin."

"Rude!" They shoot back, but they swipe at their chin.

They come sit next to him. Eren serves them. They lean towards Levi and whispers loudly.

"Who is this adorable creature?" They marvel. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Roommate." He answers. "And childhood friend, I guess."

"You guess?" Eren repeats, looking falsely offended. "I have been tolerating you for the past fifteen years, Levi Ackerman! I am more than just your 'childhood-friend-I-guess'!" Eren nags, pointed at him with his fork, an amused spark in his eyes.

Levi hears a door open. Jean pads into to kitchen only dressed in sweatpants.

"Jean, control your boyfriend." Levi orders with a smirk. "He's going into his mother-mode again."

Jean kind of glares at Levi, but doesn't say anything. (Jean is still rather wary, even almost scared, of him sometimes, and Levi finds it hilarious.)

Jean snakes his arms around Eren's waist and kisses his cheek, murmuring: "Hey, babe."

Eren smiles widely and turns around to plant a soppy kiss on Jean's lips.

Levi shakes his head. "You two are disgusting. Get the fuck out my sight."

Eren grins at him, purposefully sliding a hand up Jean's thigh. "Jealous, Le-vi?"

"You wish."

Hange suddenly laughs, surprising all of them. Jean raises an eyebrow and asks Eren rather indiscreetly: "Who's this, again?"

They swipe a hand under their eye. "God, you are all hilarious," they choke between two shaky breaths.

Levi watches them laugh. They look so carefree, their head thrown back, their brown eyes sparkling.

 _Cute_ , Levi thinks-

before he realizes what he actually just thought and chokes on his tea. Hange taps him gently on the back, their face far too close and it really does not help.

_Fuck._

He met them seven hours ago for fuck's sake. He breathes deep and reasons with himself that it's fine. It is normal to find people cute, it happens to everyone all the time and there's nothing wrong with it. So, he may not have found anyone cute in a I-am-attracted-to-you-cute way in the past two years at least, but he can deal with this.

He takes a deep breath. Hange is looking at him with concern. Eren is frowning. Not in his usual I-am-angry or jean-pisses-me-off-even-though-I-love-him way but in his special Levi way. Which basically means _I know something is up with you and I know you won't tell me so I'm going to let this slide this time but don't think you're off the hook_.

Yes, it is a very long meaning, but after fifteen years, Eren probably knows him better than anyone. Apart maybe Erwin. This guy was crazy perceptive. And Eren was...not.

Hange eventually calms down. They are still grinning, though. They turn their gaze to Jean.

"To answer your question, I'm Hange! I'm your upstairs neighbors. Also, I'm agender, so please refer to me as they/them!" They smile happily.

Jean is looking quizzically at them. "I'm Jean. Nice to meet you." He mutters, eventually.

* * *

After a bit, Hange decides it's time for them to go see the landlord.

Levi follows them to the door.

"Hey, give me your phone?" They demand.

He frowns but does as asked. They type a few things, then give his phone back with a grin. "There, I put my number in your contacts. Also, I texted myself, so I have yours."

"I won't text you," Levi grumbles.

They clap their hands. "It's okay, I can text for the both of us!"

"Please don't."

They laugh.

They bend towards him and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Levi. I'll see around!"

With that they're gone.

He's a bit dazed. He hears a snicker behind him. Eren is trying to hide his smile behind his hand. Jean is very aggressively not looking up from his cereal bowl.

"Shut up, Jaeger," he growls.

Eren is now red from trying to contain his laughter. "I just- You are so awkward."

Levi flips him off.

Eren takes a deep breath. "So how did they end up on our couch, anyway?"

God, help him.


	2. Sounds like a terrible idea, count me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title:  
> Everybody: Hange, no!  
> Hange: Hange, yes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of alcohol, also i guess for americans there's underage drinking, and a very short description of two people having sex  
> nothing too bad really

Levi walks fast through the hallway, glaring at people. Being 160cm in a world of giants sucks ass and the number of times someone crashes into him because "You're so short I didn't see you, I'm sorry" gives his mood a very murderous turn.

A freshman cowers before him. Good. It makes him feel powerful.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. It's probably Erwin telling him they already have a table at the cafeteria.

[Crazy four-eyes (11:38): i can see u ヾ(*´∇`)ﾉ ]

 _Shit_.

He hurries, looking around him suspiciously, but he can't spot Hange. He needs somewhere to hide, right now. There's no door close to him. No empty rooms.

He is so screwed.

"Levi!"

Hange is running towards him, a manic grin on their face, big round glasses perched on their nose.

Farewell, world. Although he had complained a lot, he actually likes his life.

Hange tackles him, sending them both to the floor, leaving him breathless and crushed. He lies on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling, asking himself why he had decided to help Hange three days ago.

His gaze lands on a guy watching them with disdain. He flips him off. The stranger glares at him. He raises his second major.

"Fucking hell, Hange," he grumbles. "Why did you do that?"

They jump on their feet, and give him a hand. He takes it and lets himself be pulled up.

They grin. "I don't know. I was just happy to see you."

"Well thanks to you, my ass hurts, my back hurts, pretty much everything hurts," he complains.

"Don't be so dramatic, my grumpy dwarf!" Hange coos.

"Who are you calling a dwarf?" He threatens.

Hange takes off running, Levi after them.

They arrive in the cafeteria, Levi dragging them by the back of their shirt. He sits in front of Erwin who's watching them with a raised eyebrow. He gestures to Hange to sit next to him.

"Erwin, Mike, this is Hange." Levi presents them.

They beam. "Hi, nice to meet you!"

Erwin smiles politely. "Nice to meet you, too. So you're the one that Levi helped the other day?"

They nod. "It was very nice of him."

"Shut up," he groans.

Erwin grins harder, a sparkle in his blue eyes. Damn his perfect teeth. "Don't be ridiculous, Levi. We all know you are very caring under all this gruff exterior."

"Fuck you, Erwin."

Erwin chuckles and sends him a fond look. "I must confess, Hange, I already know you. Or, I have heard of you at least."

"The fuck, Erwin?" Levi blurts out. "That sounds stalkerish. Like, really."

Erwin shakes his hand. "Oh, no! It's not what you think."

"Is it because of the pineapple story?" Hange interrupts.

Petra joins them exactly at this moment. She kisses Levi's cheek and slides on the chair next to Erwin's.

"The pineapple story?" She repeats, confused. "I've never heard of it."

"You're so pretty!" Hange admires.

Petra giggles, a bit flustered. "Well, thank you!"

Levi snorts. "We can hear your accent, Petra."

She slaps his hand, looking offended. "You are such a dick."

Levi smirks. He leans towards Hange, whispering in their ear loudly enough that everyone at the table can hear him. "She's from Australia, but she hates her accent. It only comes out when she's embarrassed," he explains.

Hange laughs.

Levi stabs at the potatoes in his plate. Petra takes out a little tupperware with a pink top. She has lasagna inside.

"So what's the pineapple story?" She asks.

Hange claps their hands. "It's very simple! I needed to clean some bones, but they were very fragile so I couldn't grate them without risks of breaking them. You may not know but there is an enzyme in pineapple that dissolves flesh."

Petra grimaces, her eyes directly going to Erwin's bottle of pineapple juice as if it could have jumped on them at any moment.

"So, I ordered fifteen pineapples and gave the address of the university! I couldn't carry all of them. It was easier to have them delivered."

"You can very well imagine the reaction of the administration when some guy comes in with two crates full of pineapples," adds Erwin.

Hange crosses their arms over their chest, frowning. "I don't know why they made such a big deal out of it, I even paid them myself."

Erwin shakes his head, chuckling. "Well, they did let Hange do their experiment in the end, but it smelled like pineapple in the room for over two weeks."

"Pineapple smells good!" They protest.

"That is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard," Levi admits.

Petra, her mouth full, nods in agreement.

* * *

 

[Crazy four-eyes (16:03): where are u ]

[Crazy four-eyes (16:03): ?]

[Crazy four-eyes (16:04): i miss you my grumpy friend]

[Crazy four-eyes (16:05): why won't you answer me? ( p_q)]

Levi is doing reaction equations when someone sits next to him. He would make a scathing remark about how there are free seats on the other side of the library, but he's in the middle of a mental calculation and he doesn't want to lose his concentration.

He jots down his number. There's something wrong. He wrinkles his nose.

"You forgot the hydroxyl group."

Brown hair is in his vision, and he looks up to see his upstairs neighbor smiling at him.

"Hange."

They smirk. "Levi."

He sighs and checks his equation. They are right. He corrects the mistake.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

They shrug. "I was bored, you weren't answering my texts, and I ran into Petra in the hallway who told me you were at the library."

"I never answer your text." Levi points out, annoyed.

Hange waves dismissively. "Not the point."

Levi's gaze travels between them and his chemistry exercises. He must admit that right now, anything sounds better than balancing chemical equation of molecules he doesn't even remember the name. But he really has to work.

He decides a compromise for himself. He finishes this exercise and does the rest, then he can go do whatever Hange wants to do with them. It is not very hard to entertain them.

"I should be finished in half an hour," he informs them. "Can you wait in silence for this long?"

"Yes!" They exclaim in victory, pumping one fist.

He digs a pack of cookies out of his bag and gives one to them. "You can have another one once I'm finished. If you stay silent."

They mime zipping their lips.

Levi returns to his work. Hange is playing on their phone, not saying a word. It's nice. They share the space without bothering each other. At some point Hange reaches for the bag of cookies. Levi almost stabs them with his pen and they retract their hand immediately, grinning bashfully. He glares at them, and they return to their game.

He gets distracted a bit later and ends up staring at them. Well, not staring, just watching them, he corrects in his mind, because staring sounds kind of creepy.

They are tapping on their with their thumbs to a regular rhythm and Levi assumes that they must playing some kind of speed game. Their glasses suit their character, he thinks. They are the big round type that hipsters usually wear, but with their androgynous sense of style, it doesn't seem out of place. Their hair are tied in a messy bun as usual. There are strands of hair falling on their face and Levi suddenly has the urge to push some of them back from their forehead to behind their ear.

He shakes his head as if he could it help him come back to his sense and returns to his work. He still has a couple of questions and he is finished.

It really is comfortable, he thinks. When they're not hopping around, Hange can be great partner.

* * *

 

He's waiting for the electric kettle to be finished when someone rings. He calls for Eren to go open the door because it's probably Jean, anyway. Though Jean has a key, so he guesses it's a bit weird. He probably just forgot it.

The voice he hears is not Jean's.

He pokes his head out of the kitchen to find Hange grinning widely at a very surprised Eren, holding a whole bouquet of sunflowers. What the hell are they even doing here?

"I come bearing gifts!" They declare, with a victorious smile. "These are for you, Eren."

"Thank you so much, Hange!" Eren beams, taking hold of the sunflowers, grinning widely. "How did you know?"

"A little grumpy common friend of ours may have let it slip inadvertently while talking about you," they say conversationally.

They wink at Levi, and he ducks back behind the wall to hide.

"I saw you, Levi!" They call.

They hop on a bar stool, leaning on their elbow, smirking. "I brought some movies and a game of Twister."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because it's Friday night and you told me you were not going out?" She answers with a questioning tone.

"A Twister! I love this game!" Eren bubbles happily. "Let me text, Jean. The more the merrier, right?"

Hange throws an arm around their shoulders. "Great idea, Eren!"

"You don't want to invite Mikasa and Armin, too?" Levi wonders, a bit surprised.

"Well, I would if they were free, but Armin apparently has a date." Levi hums with admiration.

"With who?"

Eren shrugs. "He wouldn't tell me."

"And Mikasa?"

"She has a party with her MMA club."

He nods.

Thirty minutes later, Jean has been there for ten minutes and they have already finished their sole vodka bottle. They are starting the gin.

"God, I fucking hate gin," Levi complains.

"You're still drinking it, though," Jean remarks.

He glares at him, and Jean shrinks back, hiding behind his boyfriend. "Shut up, Kirschstein. Fucking my best friend doesn't give you the right to comment on my choice of drinks."

"Rude much, Levi," Eren shoots back. "He's not always the one doing the fucking."

Jean hides his face in his hand, curling on himself. It's pretty useless because he's a full body blusher and they all can see his red neck and ears. Eren kisses him loudly on the cheek and Hange cackles.

It's so easy to pick on Jean.

They watch Legally Blond, all crammed onto the couch. Hange was the one who brought it, and Levi grumbled halfheartedly against for the sake of it (and also because he doesn't want to admit that he loves this movie). Hange is pressed to him, and he can feel their warmth against his shoulder and his thigh.

Hange and Eren are the ones to giggle and laugh at the funny scenes, even sometimes reciting some part of the dialogs. They already seem to get along very well. Levi and Jean are more dignified, although Jean spends more time staring at his boyfriend and smiling fondly at his antics than actually following the movie. It's so sweet it's disgusting.

Which is pretty much his entire feeling on Eren's and Jean's relationship, so nothing new here.

They are pretty drunk once they are finished. There are multiple beers on the table, the bottle of gin lying forlorn on the ground with a half filled whisky bottle. Hange is pouring glasses of Get 27 for everyone. Eren, being a cuddly and very affectionate drunk, is plastered to his boyfriend's back, probably whispering sweet nothing into his neck. Or very naughty things. You never know with Eren. And Levi doesn't want to, anyway. Everyone is happy.

"Let's play Twister!" Hange exclaims, thrusting the bottle in the air.

Some of the alcohol spills on the floor.

"I will make you clean the floor, tomorrow, Four-Eyes," Levi threatens. "Hangover or not."

Hange lets themselves sag against his shoulder. "Don't be such a grump, Le-vi~" They singsong.

He pushes them off and they fall inelegantly on the floor. "Fuck off."

They giggle, still sprawled on the ground. "So, wanna play?"

If someone asks him why he accepted, he will blame everything on alcohol. He has leg one over Hange, who is crouching, his two hands on the floor, his face in Jean's back, his butt in this air.

"Nice ass, you got there, Lee," Eren teases.

"I swear to God, I will make you regret these words, shitty brat," Levi bits out.

Eren sticks his tongue out, his eyes sparkling. He turns the wheel.

"Jean, right feet on green!" He pipes.

Jean twists around to judge the game and grimaces. "Nope, literally impossible."

"Come on, babe, you can do it!" Eren encourages him.

Jean makes a pained noise and tries to reach the only green spot available.

Tries being the key words here.

He looses his balance, ends up falling backward, crashing into Levi and all three of them tumble to the floor. At least, Levi is on top of the LeviHange pile for once. He counts it as an improvement.

Eren is openly laughing at them. Jean rolls on his back, looking up at his boyfriend. Eren grins and kisses him.

"You taste like cheap beer," Jean mumbles in the kiss.

"Cut the sappy shit out," Levi growls.

They eventually migrate to the couch once again with a (il)legal copy of Kingsman. It's the third time Levi's seen it and he ends up falling asleep.

He wakes up when Hange throws him off the couch while attempting to make themselves more comfortable. He has a terrible hangover and there is a photo, sent by Eren, of himself and Hange in a ridiculous tangle of limbs on the couch, in his phone.

* * *

 It's been three weeks since Levi found Hange hanging from the balcony. Their friendship is weird but simple. They usually come barging in the apartment with random food/movies/alcohol every other Friday, accompany him to the library and work silently, excitedly talk about their ridiculous experiments and try to steal food from his plate.

Levi kinda likes it. If anyone asks, though, he will deny everything.

It's Monday, he hasn't seen Hange yet since they left on Saturday after another night of watching movies and drinking. Petra had been here this time, and they had spent most of the time arguing on which male actor was the hottest.

They usually send a lot of texts, but not this morning. His phone is unusually still in his pocket.

He will never admit aloud, but he kind of misses their random little messages.

He takes his phone out, and briefly considers sending them a text. It's not like he never text them, but he's never the one to start the conversation. If he's being honest, he's slightly concerned.

His thumb hovers their name. He's ready to click when he hears some commotion somewhere behind him. He looks up to see people hurrying to the side of the hallway.

Hange.

They're running, grinning widely. They hop effortlessly over a bag left carelessly in the middle of the way. That's when realizes that they're holding something.

It's a fucking sledgehammer.

Levi doesn't even try to hide that he is gaping. Hange spots him in the crowd and stops right in front of him. They thrust the sledgehammer in his hand and takes off running.

Levi doesn't even know how to react.

People are staring at him and he's standing right there, with a sledgehammer.

A guy trots to him, breathing harshly. He's red and sweaty, and Levi wrinkles his nose at the sight.

"This is mine," he chokes between two harsh breaths.

Levi doesn't even bother answering. It's not like he has any use for this. (And why in the hell Hange had one in the first place?) He holds it out for the worker who takes it with a thankful smile.

He finds Hange hiding behind one of the back shelves of the library.

They're curled up in the corner, the hood of their sweater on their head, their glasses on, their nose in a book.

"Levi," they say, surprised.

He sits next to them, pulling his legs against his chest. They're looking at him from the corner of their eyes. They grimace.

"Are you mad at me?"

He scoffs. "I don't even know what happened."

They blink. "So... you aren't going to yell?"

"No, dumbass. I didn't get in any trouble. I don't give a fuck if you stole a sledgehammer for one of your crazy experiments."

They grin. "Thanks, Levi."

They gently bump their head against his. "Wanna grab some lunch?" He asks.

They nod eagerly.

* * *

 

Levi is hanging his clothes on the balcony when a gush of wind steals the t-shirt of his hand and takes two socks with itself at the same time (not a pair obviously).

He curses loudly and bends over the railing. Everything fell on the balcony of his downstairs neighbor.

A shrilling sound from over him makes him winces and an unidentified piece of clothing smacks him on the head and continues its fall. There is now a very cute orange bra in addition to his own clothes one floor down.

He looks up. Hange is watching it, pouting, a desperate look on their face.

"Just come down," he calls. "We can get our things back together."

"Okay," they accept.

One minute later, they throw the door open. Eren, who has been steadily grumbling about grams to moles convertion for the past five minutes, takes an earbud out.

"What's happening?"

"Some of our things fell on the balcony down."

"Oh." He nods and goes back to working.

They make their way to the first floor. Levi rings. They wait a bit before a guy opens to them. He is the description of average. Average size, banal face, there is literally nothing special about him.

He looks very confused, and maybe a bit scared. Levi's not sure about the latter.

He admits they must make a strange pair, Hange and him. A guy, and someone who looks like a girl at first view. He's smaller, but he knows he has resting bitch face problem, whereas they're smiling with all their teeth. Plus they have their _I advertize with chromosomes because sex cells_ t-shirt on.

Strange, indeed.

"Sorry to bother you." He carefully schools his face in a more approachable expression. "Some clothes of ours fell on your balcony. Could we please get them back?"

"Oh, uh, sure," the guy stammers.

He looks very intimidated. He asks them to wait here. He comes back with everything, a bit red in the face. Levi thinks it's probably because of Hange's bra.

They thank him and leave.

"I thought you were wearing a binder most of the time?" He points out while they make their way up.

"I do wear one most of the time. But sometimes I want to feel more feminine, or cute. Also, I wear a bra for, you know, special occasions."

Levi tries very hard not to think about what those special occasions entail.

* * *

 

[Crazy four-eyes (14:01): wanna go to a party with me on friday? 且_(ﾟ◇ﾟ；)ノﾞ]

[Crazy four-eyes (14:01): u can invite petra and eren and his boy toy]

[Crazy four-eyes (14:02): also erwin and his friend chewbacca]

[Levi (14:03): What time is it?]

[Crazy four-eyes (14:05): starts at 7ish but we can go later]

[Levi (14:08): I'll ask them]

[Crazy four-eyes (14:09): yay! ヾ(*д*)ﾉ ]

[Levi (14:10): Also, your emojis are ridiculous]

[Crazy four-eyes (14:10): mean! ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ ]

This is how Hange and Levi ended up going to a party together. Eren and Jean had declined the offer because Jean had decided to take Eren on a date (an actual date for once), Mikasa and Armin were having a movie night with some of their friends and Erwin was... Actually, he doesn't know why Erwin didn't come.

Which leaves just the two of them.

The music is loud, the lights dimmed and colored. The air is hot and stifling. People are dancing close to each other, brushing, rubbing, fondling, balancing to the rhythm of the music.

The bass is pounding in his ear.

Bodies are moving around him, warm and sweaty and Levi grimaces. He really is not a crowd-person. He spots a couch against the wall in the back. He grabs the back of Hange's shirt. They turn around, cocking their head. He knows he will have troubles making himself heard, so he just points to the sofa. They nod and follow him.

He takes the seat. Hange bends to talk to them, and their lips brush against the shell of his ear.

"I'll go grab a beer, do you want one?" They shout over the music.

Their breath is hot against his skin. He nods. They grin and mouth 'Be back in ten'.

A blond girl comes sit next to him. She looks young and he briefly wonders if she is even old enough to drink. Seeing him looking, she strikes a conversation.

By the time Hange comes back, he's learned that she's called Krista, she is twenty, she studies psychology and she has herpes. Though the last part was maybe that she plays the harp. He hopes for her he understood wrong.

Also, she has a girlfriend.

But he deduced this when a freckled girl came over and they engaged in an excited session of sucking face.

Hange hands him his beer. They try to coax him to dance but he refuses. He doesn't mind coming to a party and listen to bad electro music, but dancing is definitely something he minds.

Krista and her girlfriend are now engaged in a very sexual dance and Levi is almost sure the girlfriend has her hand in Krista's jeans. Which is an impressive feat with how tight they are.

Hange has disappeared again, but when they come back, they are holding an unopened bottle of vodka and Levi grins appreciatively. They take the first slug, grimacing, and hand it to him. He takes a few sips, wrinkling his nose at the taste. The alcohol burns pleasantly on its way down, and he can feel it settle in his stomach.

Twenty minutes later, he is very tipsy. Hange is dancing terribly in front of him, laughing, and Levi can't help but giggle. He will regret everything tomorrow, he knows, but right now, he's never been better. He's warm and comfortably installed in the couch and happy, and Hange is kinda cute with their hair down.

The music has switched from very club-ish songs to more sensual ones. Hange grins at him, a spark in their eyes, and Levi knows they're plotting something. They put the bottle on the floor, next to his feet.

They lean towards him, putting their hands on his knees, brushing purposefully his cheek with their mouth.

" _A little taste_ ," they sing, with the music, slurring their words.

_Oh, god._

They push back and swing their hips to the slow beat of the song. Levi's rational brain is telling that he's very drunk and he shouldn't look because this is _Hange_ , but the other, the majority, is enjoying this very much.

Hange mouths the word, sliding their tongue over their lips. _Maybe I just want your loving,_ wink,  _maybe I just want your loving._

They take one step forward, reaching for him-

and they trip on their own feet, falling haphazardly and ridiculously in his lap. Their gazes meet. They blink at each other.

They both burst out laughing.

Levi will claim he does not remember any of this tomorrow morning and blame everything on alcohol.

They go home somewhere around one. They are leaning against each other as they climb the stairs, because, of course, there is no fucking elevator in this building. They are giggling and whispering very loudly, bring anything but discreet.

They stop in front of Levi's door. He fumbles with his keys, and almost drops them once before he manages to open the door.

The sight he is treated with is not what he excepted.

Eren and Jean are very obviously having sex on the couch, Jean on his back and Eren riding him, his head thrown back, one hand on Jean's chest, and the other between his legs. Levi doesn't need to see to know what it's doing.

They are so wrapped up in each other they didn't even hear him and Hange coming in.

He slowly backs up. Even in his drunken state, there are things he is not ready to deal with. He even locks the door.

"Levi?" Hange calls, confused.

"Eren and his boy toy are fucking on the couch."

Their mouth opens in an "o" shape, their eyes wide. They smile, then. "Don't worry, you can come to my place!"

They climb the last set of stairs, a bit more coherent than a few minutes ago, but still very buzzed. Hange's door is not even locked. It is a mess inside, with books left everywhere, clothes and papers.

"Where am I gonna sleep?"

Hange takes his wrist and leads him to their room. "I've got a double bed, just crash with me here."

With the alcohol in his body, it doesn't seem like a bad idea. It sounds like a pretty good idea, even.

He takes off his shoes and jeans, while Hange turns around, shedding their shirt. Levi can't help but stare at their back while they squirm out of their binder. They leave their jeans on the floor, too. They are wearing boxers underneath. They put their shirt back on.

They both slide under the blankets. Levi can still smell vodka on Hange. He probably smells the same, anyway.

He falls asleep on the thought that they never finished the vodka bottle in the end. They had forgotten about it and had changed to whiskey.

A shame, really.


	3. Hello 911, I need help, someone stole my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Feelings suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAREFUL SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS THE FORCE AWAKENS.

Levi wakes up with a desperate moan. His head hurts, his back hurts, his legs hurt, he feels like puking, his thoughts are a jumbled mess, he's in love with Hange Zoë and there is a damp spot on his shirt around the area of his stomach and he's pretty sure it's drool.

It's probably one of the worst mornings of his relatively short life. And he's a college student so that's saying something.

He tries to sit up and he remarks that he is indeed right about the drool. Hange's head is pillowed on his stomach, slobbering disgustingly all over his t-shirt, their hair everywhere. God, they look so ridiculous with their mouth open, their t-shirt bunching in the small of their back, their-

wait a second.

His mind comes back to a few seconds earlier and the cluttered mess that was his thoughts when he woke up, and he realizes one thing.

_Love._

He is in love with Hange.

He had thought it, every word. He had formed them. And the problem is, once you've put  _word s_ on something, you can't ignore it anymore. It is unforgettable.

That's when he starts to panic.

Oh my god, he is in love with Hange fucking Zoë. He loves them. He has feelings for them. He is infatuated with them. Let's be honest, he's head over heels for Hange.

He scrambles out of bed, almost falls flat on his ass. He puts his jeans on while hopping through the room. One of his shoes is under the bed, another one is at the door. He doesn't even remember how it got here.

Hange rolls on her back, mumbling and Levi's heart skips a beat, half from fear, half from affection.

This is pathetic. He is pathetic.

He flees the apartment and runs down the stairs. He bursts into the living room, scaring the hell out of Eren and Jean who were having breakfast with the happy glow of people who had had fantastic sex the night before (which he could vouch for, unfortunately).

"Lee? Are you okay?" Eren calls, concerned.

He doesn't answer, going straight for his room. Locks the door behind him and curls up in his bed.

He probably falls asleep for a bit, because he opens his eyes to someone knocking on his door.

"Lee?" Eren calls through the panel.

"Go away," he croaks.

"What?"

"Go away!" He repeats, louder.

"Levi! Open the door!" Eren pleads.

Eren only calls him by his full name when he's worried or scolding him. Or making fun of him. But mostly when he's worried. He feels a bit guilty about it.

He's still not opening the door.

He hears some shuffling outside, people talking in muffled voices. Eren's voice always... carries. Jean is making snide remarks. Just the tone of his voice is enough, he doesn't need to understand. Plus, Jean makes mean comments around 75% of the time, so he has a 3/4 probability of being right. Ugh, maths are starting to invade every fucking aspect of his life.

He frowns when the sound of someone tinkering with his lock echoes in the room. What the-

_Clic._

Someone actually managed to open the fucking door. He pokes his head out of his blanket. It's a black guy with a buzz cut, smiling awkwardly.

"Sorry man, Eren seemed really worried."

He sighs loudly and lets his head falls back on the mattress. "Just send him in," he gives up.

Eren pads towards the bed, looking sheepish. He gives a tentative smile as he sits on the corner, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Sorry, I..." He hesitates, fidgeting. He adverts his gaze. "Connie and Sasha came over and I talked about you."

"Connie?"

"The black dude. The one who picked the lock."

"Where did he even learn that?" Levi grumbles.

"Youtube, apparently." Eren grimaces. "I didn't really ask for details."

Levi snorts. Eren has weird friends, but he can't really judge.

"So, you didn't come home yesterday," he points out, hesitantly.

"Actually, I did," Levi corrects. "But you and your boy toy were too busy screwing each other's brains out on the sofa to notice me."

"Oh, god," Eren moans, hiding his face in his hand. "I'm sorry, Lee."

Levi uses the opportunity to lift Eren's t-shirt. There are red slashes all over his back. He hums, impressed.

"Well, seems like it was a good date," he jeers.

Eren slaps his hand away, looking absolutely horrified. "Levi!" He shouts, mortified.

Levi hides his laugh in his pillow. Eren glares at him from the corner of his eye. "Don't think I don't know what you are doing, Levi Ackerman." Eren scolds him and Levi has a flash of his mother, Carla. They look so much like each other. "You are not getting out of this so easily," he threatens.

They look at each other, silently. Staring. Because they are both competitive, none of them tear their gaze away. Eventually, they both chuckle.

Eren smiles, a fond look in his eyes. Gently, he brushes Levi's bands from his forehead.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No," Levi declines softly.

"Okay," Eren accepts with a gentle voice.

Levi watches him, surprised. "You're usually more... annoying than that," he remarks. "Stubborn shit," he adds.

The brunet grins. "Well, I did just ask my friend to pick the lock of your room, so... I guess that was pretty annoying."

"Finally, a little consideration," Levi grumbles, sarcastically.

Eren bites his lips. He smiles at Levi.

"Awkward best friends hug?" He proposes.

Levi glares. Eren makes his trademark puppy eyes. He sighs and sits up, opening his arms.

Eren's arms slide around his waist. He curls his owns around his neck, and burrows his face in his shoulder.

"You smell like Jean," he mumbles.

"Sorry, it's his t-shirt."

"Tell him his cologne stinks."

He feels more than hear Eren's quiet laugh.

"Will do."

Eren is warm. He thinks he would love to hug Hange, too. It makes his face warm. He wrinkles his nose, frustrated with himself.

"It's nothing bad, right?" Eren wants to know.

"No, it's not."

Eren breaks the hug and stands up. "Great, wanna have breakfast, then?"

"It's 12. A bit late for breakfast."

Eren shrugs. "Lunch, then."

"Yeah, sounds good."

* * *

 

He's been trying to avoid thinking about Hange for most of the day. He played Mario Kart with Eren, who lost angrily, as usual. He worked, he watched stupid videos on Youtube. Nothing worked.

It only leaves one thing.

Levi opens his closet, and gets his ice skates. He changes into black sports legging and puts shorts on. He grabs his phone, his wallet, his iPod and his keys and leaves.

The ice ring is open until late and Levi is eternally grateful for it. He has a membership, and the lady at the counter only smiles at him and lets him go. It's mostly empty.

He exchanges his shoes for his ice skates. He laces them, stands up. One of the temps working at the ring waves at him. He just nods.

He sighs at the first slide on the ice. He closes his eyes to appreciate the feeling. Being on the ice, sliding freely, was always liberating.

He starts slowly, turning around, doing small and easy exercises, stretching. Once he feels that his muscles are ready, he stops at the end of the ice ring. He swaps through the songs on his iPod. Once he's happy with his choice, he pushes himself.

Levi skates lazily around, turning sometimes on himself, bowing.

The music picks up slightly, and he prepares himself. There is no one in front of him. He turns, sliding backward, and speeds up. With elation, he jumps, turns twice in the air, and falls back with elegance.

He smiles. He lives for this handful of seconds in the air, this moment of freedom.

He continues to make circles for a bit. The song accelerates, and he starts taking a much more playful dance. He steps on the ice, dancing. He zigzags. He jumps once, sending a wink at a stranger at the end.

He cocks his hip, then grabs his leg behind his head and spins on himself, finishes with a stop, and snaps his fingers. It feels good.

He hears someone clapping.

Erwin, the bastard, is at the wall, grinning at him. He approaches with a grimace.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Erwin is perfectly dressed, as usual. Not a hair out of place. Levi is panting and probably red from the exercise. It's frustrating. "Eren told me your were probably at the ice ring."

Levi puts his crossed arms on the wall. "What do you want, old man?"

Erwin smiles at him. "I heard you were... not in a very mood."

"And some people talk too much," he grumbles.

He taps his ice skate against the wall, frowning. Erwin puts his index between his eyebrows.

"You're gonna have wrinkles," he advises.

Levi bats his hand away. "You've come for something, so cut the shit already."

Erwin hums. "I just came to know if you wanted to talk." His blues eyes are warm.

Levi sighs and skates to the door. He walks to one of the benches and waits for Erwin to join him. The blond sits next to him, his hands on his knees.

"So what's the matter?" Erwin asks, with his _father_ voice.

"Hange."

Erwin chuckles. "It's not the first time you tell me about them."

Levi scowls. He stares at his own hands. "It's... different, this time."

"I see."

Levi watches Erwin from the corner of his eyes. The blond watches him back. "I don't even have to explain, do I?" Levi sighs. "You always seem to know."

Erwin smiles, amused. "I suppose I do."

"You piss me off, you know?"

"I know."

They both stare at the ceiling in silence. Eventually, Erwin gently knocks their shoulders together. Levi knocks back much harder. Erwin retaliates and almost throws Levi off the bench.

"Careful, giant old man," Levi warns.

"It's not my fault you're so small."

"Shut the fuck up."

Someone falls on their ass on the ring, and Levi snickers. Erwin tries to stay more dignified and hides his laugh behind his hand. Truthfully, Levi thinks it's useless, because Erwin smiles with his eyes (when it's true), so it technically doesn't hide anything.

"So, do you plan on doing anything?"

Erwin is still not looking at him. It makes Levi feel like it's less about him. It's better that way. Easier to talk.

"I don't know," he admits. "I'm not very... experienced in relationships."

That makes Erwin snorts. "Yeah, that's a way of putting it," he teases. "But more seriously, what would you like?"

Levi sighs, twisting his hands. "They're crazy. They wear these stupid t-shirts and those stupid glasses. They are loud and they talk too much, and they're dirty and messy and..."

Erwin's laugh cuts him off. Levi sends him a surprised glance. "What are you laughing at, you big oaf?"

Erwin ruffles his friend's hair, making him scowl. Levi sends him a dirty look. "You've got it bad, Levi."

He groans and hides his face in his hands. "I know," he moans, desperate. "Don't need to remind me."

"Sorry, sorry." Erwin's smile is apologetic, but the creases at the corner of his eyes show that he is enjoying this far too much. "I think you should tell them."

Levi peeks out of his hand. "Yeah, I'll do it."

Erwin grins and claps him on the back. He stands and walks to the exit. "Good talk, Levi!"

"You suck!" He shouts back.

Erwin cups his hand around his mouth. "Considering I'm straight and you're not, I've done considerably less sucking than you!"

Levi flips him off. The scandalized look of one of the students around is worth everything.

* * *

 

Telling something and doing it are two very different things, as Levi had already realized a number of times in his life. It is just one more of those times.

Levi had thought about how he is going to go about it and had deduced that it would be easier over coffee or another semi-public place. Hange does stay rather unpredictable and the presence of other people around is reassuring. You never know, they could always decide to kill him and dissolve his body in one of their weird and stinky concoction.

Okay, yes, he may have watched a crime show yesterday with Eren. But that is not the point here.

[Levi (10:43): You free this afternoon? You wanna have coffee together?]

That is inconspicuous enough. Levi sighs and taps on send. He doesn't even have the time to slide his phone back in his pocket that it is vibrating is his hand.

[Crazy four-eyes (10:44): this is the first time u invite me for smth! ヾ( °▽° )ノ where do u wanna go?]

[Levi (10:45): The little coffee shop down the hill? With the flowers]

[Crazy four-eyes (10:46): i see which one. see u at 5?]

[Levi (10:46): See you]

He smiles, proud of himself. A bit more embarrassing than planned, but it went well.

That is, until a few hours later where he is pacing in his room, his closet open, t-shirts and jeans flung all around the bedroom.

There is a knock on his door. Eren pokes his head in.

"What's the matter?"

Levi hesitates. Is Eren's teasing worth the help for his outfit? He looks around, judging the mess, and decides that, yes, he needs help. "I'm going on a date... Well not really a date more like a..." He trails off, getting frustrated with himself.

"Is that the reason you were sulking in your room two days ago?" Eren smirks.

Levi glares at him. "Yes, kind of," he admits.

Eren sits on his bed, legs crossed, his eyes on his phone, typing something. "You know Hange doesn't care about how you dress."

"What makes you think it's them?"

"I'm oblivious, not blind."

"I hate you, seriously."

"You love me."

"Whatever," Levi grumbles. "You going to help me or not?"

Eren cocks his head to the right, frowning. "Put your gray jeans on." He stands up and rummages through Levi's closet. He throws a few t-shirt on the floor until he finds the one he wants. Short sleeves, pale blue. He hands it to Levi. "It'll bring out your eyes."

"How do you know that anyway?" Levi asks as he steps into his jeans.

Eren smiles bashfully. "I may have spent a lot of time reading Mikasa's magazines."

Levi snorts. "You're ridiculous."

"I am the one who just helped your sorry ass. Which does look amazing in these jeans, so fuck you." Eren shoots back.

"You're not the one I want to fuck," he snarks, lacing his combat boots.

Eren makes a face. "TMI, Lee."

"Do you need me reminding you the number of times I walked on you and Jean having sex?"

Eren blushes and sets about pushing Levi out of the door, shoving his leather jacket in his arms. "Shut up and leave, lover boy. You're going to be late."

The walk to the coffee place is short. He arrives a few minutes early and decides to wait for Hange before ordering anything. He looks around. It's mostly empty with a couple murmuring to each other and giggling. He wrinkles his nose. Even if he wants to date Hange, he hopes they are never going to look like that.

Hange comes in and Levi about has a heart attack. They are wearing long overalls, a t-shirt with fucking pineapples, and their big glasses on their nose. Life is fucking unfair.

They perk up when they spot him, smiling widely, and he feels his heart skip a beat. Traitor. When did his life become a fucking romcom?

They sit in front of him. Levi low key wants to grab them by the back of their head and kiss them. It's a wonder he hasn't realized before that he is in love with them.

A cute waitress comes to take their order. Levi frowns. He has the distinct feeling that he knows her. She writes their drinks (one chai latte and a cappuccino) on a small notepad. Hange leans over the table. "Wasn't that the girl from the other night?" She whispers. "What is her name, again?"

Hange's right. "Krista," he remembers.

She brings their order, smiling when she eventually recognizes them. She is sweet and polite.

They make idle conversation for a bit, talking about their classes. Hange complains about her genetic professor who seems like she'd like to be anywhere else. Levi grumbles about how confusing quantum physic can be sometimes.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" Hange ask, after a moment of silence.

"Maybe I just wanted to have coffee with you," he answers spitefully.

Hange laughs. Levi feels all fluttery inside. Oh, god... Are these _the_ butterflies? From every teenage romance and YA dystopian SF books?

Shit.  _Shit_.

"Levi? You okay?" Hange looks concerned.

"I'm... Yeah, I'm okay." He takes a deep breath.

He can do it. If he can throw himself in the air for an axel or calculate the trajectory of a tennis ball (it's always a tennis ball) while it falls from a building, it shouldn't be too hard to ask them out. They're a nerd, with big nerd glasses and nerd t-shirts and a very cute nerd nose, and very attractive nerd lips and-

Focus, Levi.

"Hange, I-"

Someone shouts loudly behind him. A woman screams. He turns around. Some random guy is holding his hands over his nose, bleeding all over his fingers and the table, a bloody spoon on the table.

"What the fuck?"

Hange giggles. "He...Oh my god." They hide their laugh behind a hand. "He tried to drink from his cup and he shoved the spoon in his nose!"

Levi tries really hard not to laugh, but it's a lost battle.

* * *

 

Since the coffee date idea hasn't worked out, Levi decides that just grabbing Hange at the end of their classes and telling them in a secluded spot of the university should do the trick.

He's playing on his phone, waiting for them to leave the classroom. They are the last one, and he can hear them excitedly talking with the professor. Eventually, they come out, smiling when they see him.

"Levi! What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting for you. I have to tell you something."

Hange throws an arm around his shoulders. "Oh my god, is it a really secret secret? That like, only us will know?"

Levi pushes them back with a scowl. "No, it's not."

More like you're the only one who doesn't seem to know.

They walk outside, to the picnic tables in the grass. They sit on the bench next to each other. Hange turns toward him, legs crossed under them. They lean forward, their face inches from Levi's. He pulls back a bit, and clears his throat.

"Hange, I... hum... You are crazy- I mean, no. Well, yes, but that's not the point. I-"

Something hits him in the head. Hard. The back of his head is painful, and he almost decks Hange in the jaw.

He turns around, furious.

Three male students are looking at him, horrified.

"Oh my god, we are so sorry!" One of them apologizes, jogging to them.

"Are you okay?" His friend asks.

"Fuck, no," he snarls. "My head hurts."

Hange puts a hand on his shoulder, and smiles. "We're fine. He's just naturally grumpy."

The three guys chuckle nervously. Levi glares at them. One of them hides behind his friend.

Well, second attempt failed.

* * *

 

He comes back home to Eren and Jean both crying on the sofa, which for once is something he is not used to.

"Why the fuck are you both bawling your eyes out?"

Eren sniffs loudly. "It's this bastard fault!" He points at this boyfriend.

"Fuck you, you're the one who started crying first." Jean glares at Eren. "And you know seeing you cry makes me cry, too."

Well, that would have been cute if it wasn't so ridiculous.

"What the fuck, it's  _you_ who decided to watch this stupid movie!"

"You weren't complaining!"

That, the two of them bickering like an old married couple, he can deal with. He knows how to handle them.

Eren swipes his cheeks angrily and elbows Jean in the stomach. He retaliates by throwing himself at his boyfriend and tickling him. Eren bursts out laughing.

Levi walks to his room and plants in his bed head first. He can still hear Eren's laugh, being too lazy to stand up and close his door. He takes his phone out and checks Facebook. A thing he pretty much only does when he's depressed.

"So, did you manage to tell them?" Eren asks when he steps in his room.

"No."

He turns to look at Eren, currently texting someone.

"What happened?"

"A dumb shit threw a ball in my head."

Eren's face is stuck between a grin and a grimace. "That's... unfortunate." He pokes Levi's side. "But, since I am such a great friend..." Levi snorts. "Shut up. What was I saying? Oh, right. So, since I am such a great friend, I did invite them to the apartment tonight." He stops Levi from talking with one hand. "Jean and I won't be here, we're hanging out with Connie and Sasha."

"I can't believe you did that," Levi groans.

"You could make good use of the empty apartment" Eren hints at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You are disgusting."

Eren stands up and cocks a hip. "I'm still the one getting laid on a regular basis so..." He trails off with a grin. "There's lube and condoms in my bedside drawer if you need anything." He walks out of the room, but turn back at the last moment. "Also, I'll send you a text if we come back."

Someone rings. Eren smirks as if to say  _that's for you_. Levi doesn't know if he hates or loves him at this moment. It's not very important so he just ignores it.

"Hange!" He hears Eren greet. "I'm so sorry, I know I invited you for a movie night, but Jean just told me we have a double date with some friends."

Eren is a shit liar which means it is indeed true. He just probably twisted the truth just enough to fit his goals, the fucker.

Hange just shakes his head. "It's no problem, Eren! Go enjoy your date, I'll take care of your grumpy friend.

"That's great!" Eren smiles, all bright ocean eyes and wide innocent smiles. "I am sure Levi will appreciate very much you taking care of him."

The  _bastard_.

"Yeah, yeah, just get your ass out of the door, brat," Levi steps in. He is not going to let Eren make any more insinuations.

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving!" Eren snickers, as he steps out of the door.

Levi closes it behind him, not even saying goodbye. He turns to Hange who's grinning, holding a memory stick in their hand.

"Please tell me you haven't seen Star Wars yet."

He hasn't.

It happens that the movie is actually good. Harrison Ford is a great actor, as always, Carrie Fisher did age well, contrary to what everyone is saying.

He has to admit, Rey is absolutely adorable. He just wants to wrap her in a blanket and cuddle her. Which is a strange and unusual feeling for him. He would also add Finn in the blanket burrito, actually. This guy needs a hug.

"Gaaaaaaay," Hange drawls in his ear at the infamous jacket scene. He snorts.

He retains two lessons from the movie. One, Star Wars is basically a recounter of how one family (the Skywalkers) manages to fuck up the galaxy every fucking generation, and two, do not have a conversation with your son on a bridge over the void. You will die.

There are multiple snack wrappers on the table, plus an empty chips bag, and some popcorn. Hange takes the bag of M&Ms on the table. They smile confidently.

"Watch me."

They throw the candy in the air, leaning to the left to catch it in their mouth, to the point where they fall off the sofa. They finish inelegantly sprawled on the floor, one leg still on the couch. The M&M hits them on the forehead before rolling under the table.

Levi can't contain his laughter. The situation is just so ridiculous. "God, why do I even like you," he says without thinking.

Hange gapes at him. He raises an eyebrow, confused. "You... You  _like_ me?" They stutter, their eyes wide.

That makes him realize what he just said. "Oh shit no- I mean yes! But this... this is not how I wanted to say it."

Hange doesn't seem to care at all, because they throw themselves at him, sending them both backward on the couch.

"Say it again!" They squeal. "Please."

"No." He refuses. Their face is so close, he can see the nuances of brown in their eyes.

"I like you too, you know." They smile, wide and genuine, and Levi can almost see his restraint flying out of the window.

He grabs them by the back of the head, and goes for a kiss. Or attempts to, at least. Their noses bump before they eventually manage to find each other's mouth. Hange's lips are warm and plump under his and he relaxes into the touch. He slides a hand down their back, settling over the patch of skin between their shirt and the waistband of their jeans.

They pull back a few centimeters, still close enough to feel the other breath on their mouth. Hange is smiling, and he can't seem to stop grinning either.

"Wanna do that again?" Hange offers.

"Fuck yes," he growls.

They taste like sweet chocolate and vinegar chips and it's very weird but Levi loves it in the way that he knows it's Hange and no one else. They're not exactly romantic movie couple material.

They don't use the condoms, but they do end up naked in Levi's bed. At breakfast, it's Eren's turn to make fun of Levi and the hickeys he has on the neck, while Jean very purposefully avoids his gaze by staring at the inside of his mug.

He's never smiled so much in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Hange sings in chapter 2 is: A little Taste - Tyler StoneStreet  
> Most of their t-shirts comes from a shop called Human which can find [ here ](http://www.lookhuman.com)


End file.
